Saturday, April 19, 2014


A cracked crust sits on the table.  An almost empty cup has but a few spoiled drops left.  Silence, louder than I have ever heard.

Really, only a handful of hours have passed since we celebrated together.  And now...I feel we will never celebrate again.

Where is the sense in this?  All these years...wasted?

Outside, life goes on.  It is the Sabbath rest for the people of God.  If God even has a people, anymore.  For everyone else, it is just another day.

This is not just another day.

It must have been 4 in the morning before I fell asleep.  When I finally did, it was only from utter exhaustion.  My mind kept spinning until I managed to drag myself awake early this afternoon.  And now, here I am, in the place where I never felt closer to my Lord than I did that night.  Feeling farther away from him than I ever have before.

This is not how it was supposed to be!  We were all in this together.  I don't even know where everyone else is, let alone where they might be coming from. 

But I have chosen to come here.  To this place.  At this time.  Where else would I go?  My Lord had the words of eternal life.  And now my Lord is dead.

If he...even he...has been defeated, there is surely no hope for me!

I'm so, so sorry...

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